The End My Friend

Can't write any more 'Storues From The Wall', so here's this short little thing.



Well, this is the end. I have taught you everything and you even know a little pre-rising lore.You know all there is to surviving in this new, firghtening world.

But, just remember. Don't lose your humanity. You must always think with compassion when it comes to people. Never kill without reason, we're an endangered species now. Spare some pupplies when you can. but never, and I mean never, show any mercy to a zombie.

You shoot them. You shoot them in the head and you don't give a rats ass that they are now dead.

Stories From the Wall 2

Also, don't move at night if you can help it. You can't see.

Now, another story of a hero, a stupid hero, but a hero nonetheless.

Cletus was never a smart man, he flunked out of high school and had spent the last four years of his life working on a small sheep ranch. He had always been fascinated by zombies and wished that they could be real so he wouldn't be such a loser. When he heard that his dream had finally come true, he told his boss to sit n' spin, grabbed his gun and ran off.

He stole a tractor and had been rolling around his small rural town shooting zombies for a few days, when he saw a young man, no older than he, trapped by a large herd of zombies. Smart he was not, but if there was one thing to be said about Cleetus, is that he was compasionate. He drove his tractor right into that herd, giving the young man the chance to climb uo the front end of the tracotr and on to the roof of the building he had been pinned up against. This, as you might have guessed, was a stupid move. His tracotr being to slow to reverse out of the wall in time, was over run with zombies in a matter of seconds. They devoured that brave idiot before he could even scream.

This is for you Cletus! May you rest in peace!

Stories from the wall

So, now you know how to survive. If somehow you still die, even after all of my teaching, you are obviously retarded. So, I have now decided to begin sharing stories from the wall. The wall is an online posting board where all those who died because of the infection are remembered by posting their name and pictures. But, some will take it a step further and will give a story to go with the picture. This is one of those stories.


John Mahan was a simple man. He had a good job, two young boys and a beautiful wife. But his life was turned upside down by the outbreak. John didn't believe the wild stories from the news, thinking it was just embellishment to up the ratings, but soon, he began to see the truth. People began to die, only to reappear a few days later, shuffling around town. By the time he realized the truth, it was too late.

He arrived home from work one day in a blind panic. He had just witnessed one of his coworkers attack another person, biting and clawing like a wild animal. When he opened his door, he stopped. Nothing in his life could prepare him for what he was about to see, for there is no sight on this planet more horrible. His youngest son, was sitting on the floor, covered in gore. His mother and older brother lay next to him, dead. Bites were taken from their necks, the arms and their legs, they lay motionless in a pool of their own blood. He ran, he ran farther and faster than he had ever run before. It wasn't long before he saw a crowd. A crowd of what we now know to be zombies, surrounding a bus full of young children. They were clawing at the door as the children within desperately tried to hold it closed.

And he did what any man with nothing to lose would do, he ran right into the center of the crowd. He ran through all of the clawing and biting undead until he reached the back hatch of the bus, and quickly pried it open. He slammed the door shut behind him, running to the front of the bus. The driver was nowhere to be seen, so he started the bus, and drove. He could hear the crunching as he drove over the bodies of the undead, and it sickened him, but he drove on, getting them all to safety.

For the sake of these children he did not know, he risked, and effectively, ended his own life. He was infected in his mad dash to the bus, and when the children were safe, he left, never to be seen alive again.



Warms your heart, huh?

Hazardous Waste

This blog will be about special zombies. I'm not talking about Spitters or Boomers, like in Left 4 Dead, I'm talking about zombies that will use deception to get you.

The first is a floater. It's just a bloated zombie, that is floating in the water. They will lie face down, giving the impression they are dead, and then BAM! You just got eated. So stab before you get too close, or shoot if you have lots of ammo.

The next is a runner. They are fresher zombies, and still retain most of their muscle mass, and are able to run, and climb in some cases. Shoot out their legs first, and then dispose of them.

Thats pretty much it, like I said, not gonna talk about video game zombies. Comment if you find others.

For the Horde!

Today you will learn how to deal with a horde, or large group, of the walking dead. God forbid this ever happens to you but, better safe than sorry.

First, run. Do not, I repeat, do not stop and try to fight. You will die. You need to run to an easily defensible position, high off the ground. The top of a building would be good, but only if they can't follow you. If you have the time, or a grenade, destroy staircases to make it an easily defensible spot.

Next, get yourself a polearm. A long bladed or stabbing weapon, they're easy to make with a stick, some duct tape and a knife or other sharp object. Now start stabbing. Get them in the head, eyes are preferable for they are easier to penetrate. Do this long enough and you should be fine. Now, if there is no way to get the high ground you run, and you never stop running until they lose your trail, it's your only chance.

I'll knock with my boomstick!

Aside from the obvious threat of becoming a happy meal, there are other dangers. The most important one to be prepared for however, is other people. Not everyone has the common sense or decency to be kind and helpful to the remaining humans, there are still some out there that will only seek to further their own goals. We'll call them buttheads.

So these buttheads will do anything to survive, kill zombies, kill you, steal from you or even kill you (Yes I know it's in there twice, I thought it was that dang important). So should you come across these buttheads, treat them as they would you. Blow a hole in their head and take their stuff. Oh, Sand they're pretty easy to spot. Usually have tons of graffiti about how awesome they are all over their base, and a loudspeaker.

The Companions of Jjorrvaskr!

But not really. But this article will be about your companions in this new world of yours, such aswho you should choose, why and how many. Now first hings first: do not choose the chick with large mamory glands. Chances are she can't shoot her way out of a wet paper bag.



I had a picture here but I was told to take it down because a fully clothed woman is apparently innapropriate. I am sorry for any offense I caused.



 I'm not syaing leave her behind, but she is definately one to get rid of should the choice come down to her and well, anybody else really. Always pick up the ex-military or law enforcement, unless they are total jerk offs, then just leave them, not worth it trust me.

Your companions must have personalities that mesh with your own to a certain degree. If you hate eachother, chances are one of you will kill the other. Not good. Choose someone easy enough to get along with, and who can actually bring something usefull to the party, like guns or know-how.

Numbers. They matter. Choose only as many as you can support with your current food/water situation, and no more. Don't take in people you can't support, you ever seen a man pushed to the edge of sanity get told 'no' when he asks for his pudding cup? No? Well lets just say avoid that situation if possible.

Ve-a-mahicles

Vehicles. A necessary addition to your arsenal of survival. Sports cars are out my friends, they use too much gas and are not durable enough to withstand the force of dozens of once-human bodies smashing into them. You will need an SUV or other large potentially body crushing outfit for this new world you live in. Car dealerships should be a safe place to look, try used car lots first, better chances of Bambi bumpers on the trucks.

Only use stock model vehicles when the option for "redneck death machine" is unavailable. But fear not young man/woman! There is another way. Get whatever truck/SUV/Hummer you want, and weld metal sheeting onto it. It will slow it down, and reduce gas mileage but who cares? Gas is now free and as long as you can go more than 10 mph, you're safe. Do this and you're mobile, and ready to mow down zombies like those poor bystanders in GTA.

Medical Supplies

Despite the fact that no movie ever seems to pay attention to this fact, you will need medical supplies. Whether it be band aids or penicillin, somethings going to happen where you will need them. Chances are most pharmacies were looted in the beginning, so try a less obvious location first. You know that one friend you have that's always sick? You know who I'm talking about, everyone has one, go to his house. Chances are you'll find everything from ibuprofen to a mysteriously acquired cure for AIDS. If this is not a viable option (too far away, burned down, etc...) try a gas station, they won't have much but at least you'll get some pain killers, and maybe crack.

Avoid hospitals and clinics, chances are thats where everyone went in the beggining and the places are crawling with zombies. Instead, try private residences or, if you're feeling lucky, a college. Stick to a small one either community or one in a small town. All campuses have a student health clinic, and it should have some of the basic supplies you need. As a last ditch effort try a family planning clinic. They probably deal with STDs all th etime so they should have some antibiotics on hand.

Get to da Shelta!!

Now that you have food and weapons you will need a place to sleep. Now, it is up to you whether you stay in one place permanently, or you stay on the move. As to which one is better I would say keep moving, but for the sake of this article I'll tell you how to find/make a permanent base.

First off, the building you choose must have two or more, preferably more, floors to it. This makes it easier to keep out the undead by destrying the stairs, you can always use a ladder. Try to find a building with roof access if at all possible, it will make it easier for farming. Speaking of, remember when I told you to grab seeds? This is why. Your food supply will eventually run out, so it will become necessary to grow your own. A roof top garden is not only safer than scavenging for food, it makes it possible to stay in one place for longer periods of time.

Next step, hit up your local hardware store and pick up as much lumber, nails, and cement as [possible. Use the wood to block up all windows and entrances on the ground floor, except for one. Build hollow walls with the remaining lumber, and fill it with the cement. Surround your compound with said wood/cement walls.

finally, make sure you have an escape route out of your compound, should all hell break loose.

Food, Ladies!

Now on to another necessity in the new wasteland world, food. You need it to survive, and you will need to find it fast. Chances are, that when all the poo went down people stole/stocked up on all the food they could, possibly leaving little for those of us who survived. First things first, try houses before stores because people most likely flocked to them during the initial outbreak and were infected while stuffed shoulder to shoulder with a fat Armenian woman, trying to get the last box of Wheat Thins and were bitten. The places will be crawling with geeks (zombies).

Go for non-perishables like canned or dried food. If you know a paranoid/military enthusiast who may have MREs (Meal Ready to Eat) then grab that stuff up, it lasts forever. If you ever plan on settling into a permanent base further down the road, grab seeds. Vegetables like potatoes or squash would be best, they grow the easiest. Also, grab Twinkies, they will soon become, if they are not already, currency to buy supplies from the other (if any) survivors. True story.

Next week: Shelter: How not to die in your sleep!

Weapons

The first thing you'll need is a weapon. Now, I know what you're thinking, "But Brian, don't we need food or shelter first?" The answer is no, and you're stupid for thinking that. You need a weapom to defend yourself from the undead masses attempting to eat your organs, because if you don't food and shelter won't matter.


Melee weapons will do at first, as long as you avoid heavily populated areas. Bats, crowbars, hammers, and large wrenches will do nicely and can be found in most garages, making them readily available. Machetes are good too, you will need to know how to keep one in good condition, but it will be worth it in the end. Machetes shouldn't be too hard to find, especially in rural areas, and are good for splitting zombie skulls wide open. Chainsaws are a no-no. They'll attract unwanted attention with their noise, and they need gas, which as you will find becomes very hard to find.

Guns are a must have, small caliber rifles will do best for most, little kick back and plentiful ammo in homes and stores, but pistols should be left to those with the training to effectively use one. I'm not saying don't take a pistol if that's all you can find, I'm just saying there are better options. Shotguns should only be used as a last resort, they are loud and only effective at a closer range. Guns can be found fairly easily in rural homes, and in smaller gun outlets (Smaller stores make them a less obvious target for looters). Also, stockpiling now isn't a bad idea. Saves you the trouble of frantically searching for a weapon when the zombies hit.

For now, that ought to keep you alive. Next week: Food you can eat without dying!

So you're in the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse...

So you're in the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse, chances are you're probably alone becaue everyone you care about is dead. So it's up to me to make sure you're prepared for the worst. This blog will be about teaching you how to survive in this post apocalyptic wasteland you now call home, and how to deal with everything from food and water, to waepons and shelter.

I will teach you how to handle every situation you will ever encounter, mostly, and how to deal with the crippling loneliness and slow decent into madness.